HOLD ON TIGHT

HE SAID, MARIE, MARIE, HOLD ON TIGHT And when we were children, staying at the archduke's, My cousin's, he took me out on a sled, And I was frightened. He said, Marie, Marie, hold on tight. And down we went. In the mountains, there you feel free. I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter. ~ The Waste Land, "The Burial of The Dead", Eliot Sunday, April 22, 2007 notes from the city on friday, my korean suite mate said she was taking a make-up test at the east asian department cos she'd been sick. this greying white professor came in and asked, "what's she doing here?" "taking a quiz," said the teacher-advisor. "oh, not writing a suicide note and going to kill 30 people after that?" he asked, then smiled. * the dynamics in my flat is interesting. next door, there are two koreans. i am singaporean. my room mate is from oklahoma. when the incident happened, they were watching the news. our living room is the public domain, there the korean girls appeared not to give a shit. but madi tells me, just a little later, she caught them huddling over the computer in their room, watching cnn clips and speaking indignantly and erratically, in korean. * in church two weeks ago, a chinese national did the reading at catholic church (they always ask an ethnic minority to do the first reading). this balding guy at the back belted out "go to hell", then left the church. everything continued as per normal, the alleluias and amens, and peace-be-with-you's. the priest made a passing remark about "oh we ought to pray for him", then proceeded to give his vision of america as united by the country of god. i only realised the irony of the sermon today. * it would be a very different to the public perception if the guy was a black, or muslim, or white. perhaps asian, black, muslim are simply different gradations of otherness. being the model minority simply implies that they were seen as having assimilated the right way. the model minority category is damaging, in a different way, because those who don't fit the model minority label "asian, good at mathematics, taking business courses" feel an alienation within an already alienated category. our lgbt community says partly that vt was an example of emasculation from being asian, but perhaps it was just an another example of alienation within alienation. * i read alfian's sa'at's blog. he was talking about the diversity of nyc, how we were a "population so diverse it was impossible to tell who was from where, except here". i looked at his lovely pictures of nyc - such lovely pictures - and saw that i'd been to where he'd been, but coming to 11 months in this city, the myth of new york has been deconstructed for me. yesterday i ran in the sun, past beautifully dressed people, past old hobos, and i thought in my endorphin induced high, "fuck, i'm a new yorker!" then the air got too much for me to bear, so i went indoors instead. if you love new york too much, it will break your heart. if you fall in love with a myth, it will break your heart. * i came to new york without any conceptions. it was my first time in america, i turned down in place in london, cos a brit education is generally a bad thing if you dont know what you want to do. on the first week i arrived, i met up with a classmate, leon. we met up one night. i remember the smoothshaven white hotel manager had asked him out for drinks, and was sliding his hand up and down leon, while the poor boy was furtively smsing me to ask me to save him. it was unbearably funny when i yelled at the manager at what he was doing with my "boyfriend", and stormed off, leaving the food and drinks untouched, while he looked distressed and came to calm the "hysterical girl". there was that night on brooklyn bridge. he was talking about how he'd just broken up with his burmese girlfriend. the night smelt like his cigarettes. we were standing under brooklyn bridge and all around was turbulent, an autumn wind had piped up. the river was angry. and we stood under brooklyn bridge looking at the sad lights, and he said, "coming to america. standing here, it feels like a break-up". leon, your dream was to come to america and fuck a white girl, because it would be the coolest thing in the world, you told me. since then he's gone around exploiting the fact that he went to NS to get the chicks. i hear he's gotten his whole floor speaking singlish - when life gives you a singaporean accent, make friends out of it. leon hasn't really gotten his white girl yet, he only managed to get the asian-american chicks, lately he's settled for a ukranian girl instead who is is incidentally "married". she got into a marriage of convenience so as to enter new york to be able to study but now lives on her own. he'll be staying in the city to get a sky-diving license, so he can be a certified skydiver. his dream is to basejump down a building or waterfall, to touch the face of death in the embrace of a kiss and part, shuddering and humbled. * posted by dawn # 12:41 PM Comments: Post a Comment << Home		[publishing] Publishers Weekly . 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HE SAID, MARIE, MARIE, HOLD ON TIGHT

And when we were children, staying at the archduke's,
My cousin's, he took me out on a sled,
And I was frightened. He said, Marie,
Marie, hold on tight. And down we went.
In the mountains, there you feel free.
I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter.

~ The Waste Land, "The Burial of The Dead", Eliot

Sunday, April 22, 2007

notes from the city

on friday, my korean suite mate said she was taking a make-up test at the east asian department cos she'd been sick. this greying white professor came in and asked, "what's she doing here?"
"taking a quiz," said the teacher-advisor.
"oh, not writing a suicide note and going to kill 30 people after that?" he asked, then smiled.

*

the dynamics in my flat is interesting. next door, there are two koreans. i am singaporean. my room mate is from oklahoma. when the incident happened, they were watching the news. our living room is the public domain, there the korean girls appeared not to give a shit. but madi tells me, just a little later, she caught them huddling over the computer in their room, watching cnn clips and speaking indignantly and erratically, in korean.

*

in church two weeks ago, a chinese national did the reading at catholic church (they always ask an ethnic minority to do the first reading). this balding guy at the back belted out "go to hell", then left the church. everything continued as per normal, the alleluias and amens, and peace-be-with-you's. the priest made a passing remark about "oh we ought to pray for him", then proceeded to give his vision of america as united by the country of god. i only realised the irony of the sermon today.

*

it would be a very different to the public perception if the guy was a black, or muslim, or white. perhaps asian, black, muslim are simply different gradations of otherness. being the model minority simply implies that they were seen as having assimilated the right way. the model minority category is damaging, in a different way, because those who don't fit the model minority label "asian, good at mathematics, taking business courses" feel an alienation within an already alienated category. our lgbt community says partly that vt was an example of emasculation from being asian, but perhaps it was just an another example of alienation within alienation.

*

i read alfian's sa'at's blog. he was talking about the diversity of nyc, how we were a "population so diverse it was impossible to tell who was from where, except here". i looked at his lovely pictures of nyc - such lovely pictures - and saw that i'd been to where he'd been, but coming to 11 months in this city, the myth of new york has been deconstructed for me. yesterday i ran in the sun, past beautifully dressed people, past old hobos, and i thought in my endorphin induced high, "fuck, i'm a new yorker!" then the air got too much for me to bear, so i went indoors instead. if you love new york too much, it will break your heart. if you fall in love with a myth, it will break your heart.

*
i came to new york without any conceptions. it was my first time in america, i turned down in place in london, cos a brit education is generally a bad thing if you dont know what you want to do. on the first week i arrived, i met up with a classmate, leon. we met up one night. i remember the smoothshaven white hotel manager had asked him out for drinks, and was sliding his hand up and down leon, while the poor boy was furtively smsing me to ask me to save him. it was unbearably funny when i yelled at the manager at what he was doing with my "boyfriend", and stormed off, leaving the food and drinks untouched, while he looked distressed and came to calm the "hysterical girl".

there was that night on brooklyn bridge. he was talking about how he'd just broken up with his burmese girlfriend. the night smelt like his cigarettes. we were standing under brooklyn bridge and all around was turbulent, an autumn wind had piped up. the river was angry. and we stood under brooklyn bridge looking at the sad lights, and he said, "coming to america. standing here, it feels like a break-up".

leon, your dream was to come to america and fuck a white girl, because it would be the coolest thing in the world, you told me. since then he's gone around exploiting the fact that he went to NS to get the chicks. i hear he's gotten his whole floor speaking singlish - when life gives you a singaporean accent, make friends out of it. leon hasn't really gotten his white girl yet, he only managed to get the asian-american chicks, lately he's settled for a ukranian girl instead who is is incidentally "married". she got into a marriage of convenience so as to enter new york to be able to study but now lives on her own. he'll be staying in the city to get a sky-diving license, so he can be a certified skydiver. his dream is to basejump down a building or waterfall, to touch the face of death in the embrace of a kiss and part, shuddering and humbled.

*

posted by dawn # 12:41 PM

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