HE SAID, MARIE, MARIE, HOLD ON TIGHT
~ The Waste Land, "The Burial of The Dead", Eliot
Sunday, August 19, 2007
the breaking of all spells
left at 4-ish, arrived home 11-ish. my mother and father were waiting for me. i am pragmatic about entrances and exits. the important thing is not to regret. got into new york, then ithaca. in ithaca, miles away, i returned to the person i left months ago, reentered his life. i haven't seen his face for half a year, will not for almost another half. it is a different kind of poetry here, not lyric poetry, there are no complex metaphors to this life i have chosen. this does not make it simple, but it makes what needs to be done clearer. this time, there is no desire, no free-falling. love, like ironing, like the folding of daily necessities, heroic daily acts and choices, enduring choices. the father asked what i was doing for thanksgiving, if i wanted to go back to the place where we spent last spring, where he took me out on a sled, said Marie, Marie, hold on tight. his sister complains of how he is too intellectual for conversation, that she can never win an argument with him, that he is like his father. we laugh, and i tell her the only arguments i have won, i have won by force.
traveling from singapore makes me feel light, too light to write. i love singapore too much, i am too involved with people, the place is swarming with memories. away, my heart ceases to brim. maybe here i will learn that the purest form of joy, unlike crystals and salts, cannot be distilled in the form of laughter. and perhaps love, as it is written, is the breaking of all spells, even its own. |
[publishing] Publishers Weekly . Dystel & Goderich . New York Center for Independent Publishing . Association of American University Presses . Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators [people] clarisse . nurul . aunty zarina (ummi's bakery) . jeremy . pak . cyril . softblow . karen & kenny (booksactually) . eric . joel . [other loves] digitaljournalist . ballet dictionary . poetshouse . urbanwordnyc [me] dawn, singapore, new york city, ithaca. [yesterday]
now that she's back in the atmosphere
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