HE SAID, MARIE, MARIE, HOLD ON TIGHT
~ The Waste Land, "The Burial of The Dead", Eliot
Saturday, September 29, 2007
song
im alone tonight.
it wasn't unnecessary, it is important to me. many things are important to me. Friday, September 28, 2007
fond
putting together a portfolio of my more serious writing, ie, not literary.
It is my first day of school again. Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The view from outside the house
On the day of the sunset,
you sat on the roof of your house, seeking out the view of my house. The night lights of Shanghai rose to a sob. On early mornings in Ithaca, the deer calling, call me to the window. I meet the view from my house like a girl in love all over again. In search of kites, we walked down the boulevard, and found none. Left the square filled with the overwhelming presence of unflown kites. In search of the creek behind my house, I step outside. The trees gather to hold me in their presence. In the view from my house, the wrestlers who live next door are playing football with beercans again. I’m washing my feet at the creek behind my house. I live here now. There are fewer leaves where you are. Soon there will be none. Winter will lead you from a balcony overgrown with cigarette butts to make you look out from other windows. I’m fine. I’m settling into the poem I’ve always wanted to write. That poem is surrounded a creek, overgrown with trees, tanned brown with the end of summer, inhabited by rabbits, groundhogs, and other secrets. Saturday, September 22, 2007
for one part of the paper i have to write, i had to write a sestina with the words Presence, Hearing, Rain, Names, Dawn, Asleep, it had to be in the voice of a kashmir man living in manhattan and it took me hours.
to all coldplay lovers, announcement!
go check out brit indie rock band, elbow, their stuff is less pretentious and less electrical than coldplay, eg "fugitive model," and (my favourite) "asleep in the back." their lyrics are more raw, eg from "asleep in the back" you got this line "My twisted heart is yours/ The faithless shit is yours." i like it. that song also subtly, sneakily adds brassy trumpets, without being overbearing.
"asleep in the back" brings back memories of rgs, the song popped into my head, and i listened to it back then, without knowing what song it was. it's so good to hear it again, after so many years. calling him in new york while he is high is the funniest experience ever. he keeps giggling and saying "stop it! oh! you're blowing my mind!" i make him promise not to go beyond weed, and he starts crooning, "awww, dawn, thanks! " he says his roommate's not doing it with him, cos its yom kippur, but sitting next to him while he's smoking up. and i laugh and he giggles and i can't help but think the situation is unimaginably funny and start giggling too. calls like this dapple nyc, bright, bright like a yellow submarine. though ithaca is a sweet hippie town, and i have this funny retro bicycle with yellow bars and green flowers called betty which i ride to get to school everyday, i take my guitar out every friday now to a geriatric home, and i plan to grow my hair super long, like rgs days, all the way beyond my waist again. Friday, September 21, 2007
excerpts from various poems i am working on
this one is about winter in chicago.
this one from one called "the view from outside the house." it is set between shanghai and ithaca.
this one is from a poem called "the jester and the queen." it is set between ithaca and manhattan.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
was supposed to do my work, instead i ended up looking through old things, and writing things up. but i finally am home again in my writing, it took two years, and to be finally back, to be able to be perfectly honest with myself again, that sort of truth that is very simple and very quiet. it is like a reunion with myself. ithaca was good for me.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
i said, congratulations, i think your baby is beautiful, i am so happy for you. i think your happiness spills over for other people, when you know you're not going to be having it.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
the people in my life drive me crazy and i love them
after a shakespearean phonecall, which was full of anagnorisis, peripeteia, pathetic fallacy, and all the terms i memorised in literary class, and ultimately, love, i sleep and wake up, strangely, crying, for some inexplicable reason.
then i turn on my phone and wake up to this voice message. "man you can't believe what happened to me yesterday. i had to cut away my parachute, and it landed in the woods somewhere. anyway we couldn't find it, so i'm back here trying to find it. anyway, im still alive, but it'll cost me 3000 dollars, i mean, 3000, if we can't find it. anyway, i thought it'll make a good story." another friend writes me that she hopes there are good vegetables in season, and we need more women need to change the world. i love her, to bits. downstairs, i can hear the sound of breakfast being made, and things falling into place. an old classmate sent me a short message. i will hold it very close to me.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
way down upon the suwannee river
i sat by the window today on the seventh floor of olin, felt thoroughly drained. outside the mountains were like bits of cloth, and the clouds were like layers of lace. i ran today, i ran in circles against the wind. then i came home, and sat at the window, and ate the biggest bowl of grape nuts, peaches and grapes you could ever envisage, all with cold milk.
on saturday, i went for a small press reading in a hippie record shop called no radio records in the ithaca commons. it was extremely female, sexy, playful, romantic, the kind of poetry i would not want to write. the first person had the loveliest voice, it was distracted, soft and jazz-like. the second person wore red earrings, pink skirt, sequin belt and sounded like screeching car tires. the name of her anthology is "awe". i met aaron, the highly stressed publisher, "sorry i am really scattered, and all over the place. what am i doing again?" i'm going to try to get an internship/weekend job through her. i didn't really like willie perdomo at his reading in cornell. it felt commodified and slam-my, his hispanic sex factor didn't work in a plushy auditorium. it would have been better with a lot of smoke and tarty girls. instead he was on show in front of the intellectualising kids and professors, for a moment i felt anxious for him. on fridays, i go to a geriatric home by the lake, where there are dementia people and mad people. i remember the old woman kept asking me, "you should put your things in your room." "i don't have a room here," i said, "i'm just visiting." "oh," she said. then she began talking about her husband, "he's good in bed," she said, "53 years. i was damn lucky." "it takes two to tango," i tell her. "that's true, damn true," she says, "why don't you take your things to your room?" "i don't have a room here," i say, "i'm just visiting." "i don't have a room here either," she says, "i don't live here, i come from philadelphia." i laugh today, when i think, about how the clocktower chimes were playing simon and garfunkel over the suffering ithaca of 1.15 pm and i said over the phone, "sorry, i really can't help it. i can't say, "yo bells, keep quiet, you know?" it is easy to live life here. life is so easy that i wonder whether i am doing it right. Sunday, September 09, 2007
i don't believe in the power of poetry. i think poetry changes nothing. i don't believe in love poetry either, i think love poetry cheapens. but in anycase, i'm writing again, finally, after a 2 year hiatus. the writing is more honest and examined, and also more controlled. the control takes a lot out of me also, but i know there is a kind of discipline i am building -- not just a discipline of the page, but a discipline of the person.
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[publishing] Publishers Weekly . Dystel & Goderich . New York Center for Independent Publishing . Association of American University Presses . Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators [people] clarisse . nurul . aunty zarina (ummi's bakery) . jeremy . pak . cyril . softblow . karen & kenny (booksactually) . eric . joel . [other loves] digitaljournalist . ballet dictionary . poetshouse . urbanwordnyc [me] dawn, singapore, new york city, ithaca. [yesterday]
holding on tight -- vol ii
[archives] January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009
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