HE SAID, MARIE, MARIE, HOLD ON TIGHT

And when we were children, staying at the archduke's,
My cousin's, he took me out on a sled,
And I was frightened. He said, Marie,
Marie, hold on tight. And down we went.
In the mountains, there you feel free.
I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter.

~ The Waste Land, "The Burial of The Dead", Eliot

Saturday, November 10, 2007
differences
i am judgmental, and punitively, dehumanizingly judgemental. sometimes i feel judgement became an armor when i chucked people out of my life. it was never that i judged that friend, then fell out of love with him because i discovered flaws. it's always me creating a crazy rupture, distancing, then imposing judgement, creating a monster. it's a terrible, selfish thing, judgement, because i know my judgements are motivated by the desire to be able to live with myself as i am now, rather than the people per se.

the ghosts of people are always returning in this house, and i am always trying to stage goodbye. the only medium is writing. writing is a bit like prayer, except that writing is more empowering, because the power emerges from the self, but it is as liable to failure.

difference can sometimes be a terrible thing. it provides the illusion of a binary. we were merely different, not oppositional, remember this.

and on another note, winter in ithaca makes me feel like im a patient in a loony bin. i wake up, and i immediately switch on the light, because it's too dark. the absence of working in natural light makes you feel like you live in an institution.

[publishing] Publishers Weekly . Dystel & Goderich . New York Center for Independent Publishing . Association of American University Presses . Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators

[people] clarisse . nurul . aunty zarina (ummi's bakery) . jeremy . pak . cyril . softblow . karen & kenny (booksactually) . eric . joel .

[other loves] digitaljournalist . ballet dictionary . poetshouse . urbanwordnyc

[me] dawn, singapore, new york city, ithaca.

[yesterday] Ultrasound
in my own time
Second winter
just a thought
shorter days
dilemmas and thought experiments
remembering shandong
in the supermarket
poem
raspberry

[archives] January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009

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