HE SAID, MARIE, MARIE, HOLD ON TIGHT

And when we were children, staying at the archduke's,
My cousin's, he took me out on a sled,
And I was frightened. He said, Marie,
Marie, hold on tight. And down we went.
In the mountains, there you feel free.
I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter.

~ The Waste Land, "The Burial of The Dead", Eliot

Wednesday, November 14, 2007
happiness
gotten to a point where i have fallen in love with my books. i don't want this term to end, i want it to be suspended somewhere between webster and lope de vega, and felman, and the inkshop and pogo, and jim screaming at me to move on the dancefloor. in a strange way, i don't want to go home, to the burden of relationships. also because, jo is staying in ithaca alone, and i don't like the sound of her staying in ithaca over new year's and christmas in the middle of nowhere. i love how she and guan are simultaineously hungry, laughing in unison, worrying in unison. renaissance literature frees me from myself, because of how immensely complicated and constructed the literature is. i want to remain in this world of words, alone, but not lonely. in spanish tragedy, if the source of honor exists external to the self--in the bride or the groom--honor can still exists in disjunct with the self, rendering the honor code a fallible system of merely readable signs. if you want to know what happiness is, it's not a state of involuntary laughter, it's simply the very conscious, self-willed state of being at peace with yourself, because of yourself, not because of other people. happiness should never be contingent on an Other. i suppose this was what i had been trying to articulate in rgs, which was nearly always miscontrued as feminism, antisocialness, and other odd labels. i think i understand it now, and perfectly.

Comments:
i tried explaining to my friend the awfulness of dressing for other people and failed. i dont know if i felt more disappointed in her or myself. if you will be back for christmas, we must meet, ok? much love,
i dont know--there is a thin line. if there were no people in this world, i would be wearing pj's all the time when it was cold, and nothing all the time if it was hot? :) i do dress to a certain extent for other people, i would not dress for a guy though. pls dont be disappointed in me:) yes i'll be home. we must meet!
haha. have never been disappointed in you, dont think will be in the forseeable future. you understand what i mean, though, right? argh. the world frustrates me. btw, with regard to your next post. i think more drama would be brill. hysterics are occasionally a necessary part of life.
much love,
nurul


[publishing] Publishers Weekly . Dystel & Goderich . New York Center for Independent Publishing . Association of American University Presses . Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators

[people] clarisse . nurul . aunty zarina (ummi's bakery) . jeremy . pak . cyril . softblow . karen & kenny (booksactually) . eric . joel .

[other loves] digitaljournalist . ballet dictionary . poetshouse . urbanwordnyc

[me] dawn, singapore, new york city, ithaca.

[yesterday] differences
Ultrasound
in my own time
Second winter
just a thought
shorter days
dilemmas and thought experiments
remembering shandong
in the supermarket
poem

[archives] January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009

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