HE SAID, MARIE, MARIE, HOLD ON TIGHT

And when we were children, staying at the archduke's,
My cousin's, he took me out on a sled,
And I was frightened. He said, Marie,
Marie, hold on tight. And down we went.
In the mountains, there you feel free.
I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter.

~ The Waste Land, "The Burial of The Dead", Eliot

Monday, May 12, 2008
love and desire
the problem with the first person you ever loved, and the person you left is that that person will always remain a ghost to haunt, unless you can ever demystify him.
alenka zupancic, whom i'm using to read midsummer's night dream now. it's such a girly paper, god i should print it in pink, and freak philip out--ok it's not completely girly, because it is ultimately about a political state and how it can accommodate desire:
the miracle of love is not that of transforming some banal object into a sublime object, inaccessible to its being--this is the miracle of desire. if we are dealing with an alternation of attraction and repulsion, this can only mean that love as sublimation has not taken place, has not done its work and performed its trick. (175, "addendum," The shortest shadow: Nietzsche's philosophy of the two)

this is what i'm thinking now--very reasoned, lit crit terms. i want you to stop being an object of desire, i want you to stop being sublime and monstrous. the problem is, i left you before you stopped being sublime. i left you the moment you turned monstrous, because of that, i couldn't ever turn desire into love. unfortunately, i only desired you, and i didn't love you. you were too strange to be loved. desire institutes a lack, and an impossibility. you are still that lack and that impossibility. this is where i have to figure things out and turn you around from that sublime figure into the you, of the banality. when i have done that, i can finally live my life in peace again.

[publishing] Publishers Weekly . Dystel & Goderich . New York Center for Independent Publishing . Association of American University Presses . Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators

[people] clarisse . nurul . aunty zarina (ummi's bakery) . jeremy . pak . cyril . softblow . karen & kenny (booksactually) . eric . joel .

[other loves] digitaljournalist . ballet dictionary . poetshouse . urbanwordnyc

[me] dawn, singapore, new york city, ithaca.

[yesterday] gum and media
guns and boys
making magic
i don't mean to be bimbotic or anything, but sabri...
that funny old hurt
the world is melting
end of term blues
oberon
eve was smarter than adam
i'm so blue today. new york city gets you down lik...

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